Excerpt from the Book

In 2007 I had an epiphany. You see, my life was in a very complicated place. I had accepted a personal relationship with the Lord at a very young age and I was raised in a loving Christian home. However, I had made many decisions over the years that had led me to a place of defeat. In 2004 I read a book about co-dependency which started my journey toward becoming emotionally healthy. I began seeking God’s will again in my life; however, change is a process. I wanted to “feel” close to God, but I didn’t fully trust Him. I was fearful of what He might ask of me, so I only gave Him “part” of myself. Therefore, I experienced many years of two steps forward, one step back…and sometimes it was one step forward, two steps back.

One morning in May of 2007, after spending time reading the Word and praying, I had a deep heaviness in my heart that wouldn’t lift. I mustered the strength to ask God to show me the sin in my life, expecting to hear how disappointed He was in me, and what a failure I was. God speaks to us all in different ways, but I believe He speaks to us in just the exact way we need to hear from Him. I had heard Him whisper to me a few times over my life up to this point, but what He said to me that morning shook me to the core. It was a pivotal moment in my life that stuck with me as I continued to seek Him with all of my fears and imperfections.

The first thing that was so amazing is He said my name. It was so personal…He knew me. He whispered to me, “Pam, just let Me love you!” He said it over and over again, and as the tears streamed down my face I answered Him, “Yes, I’ll let you love me.” Immediately my burden was lifted, and my heart felt light and free.

That was it…let Him love me. His message never changes. It is timeless and it is truth. Another truth is how patient God is. My life didn’t change overnight, as a matter of fact, there were very difficult events coming in my future, but I was seeking to know Him more. As I grew in my walk with the Lord over the next couple of years, He was preparing me to go deeper.

Fast forward to 2010. Security…I really like it. Trust…God requires it. I had to make the scariest, most difficult decision I had made in my life up until that point. In whom did my security reside? The bible talks about truth A LOT! I had not been allowing myself to accept the truth, because I knew if I did, I would have to respond to it, and I just didn’t think I had the strength to do that. It terrified me! But God had been working in me, preparing me to be in a place where He knew I was ready. He gave me a prayer that transformed my life…I like to call it “The Truth Prayer.” I still pray it and it still transforms my life, and it goes like this. “Father, please reveal to me the truth about my life, help me to accept it, and show me what to do with it.”

Joyce Meyer wrote in her devotional Start Your Day Right, “If you want to become fully mature in the Lord, you must learn to love truth. Otherwise, you will always leave open a door of deception for the enemy to take what is meant to be yours. We cannot deny the existence of problems or act as if they are not real. The good news is that no matter how real our pain, we can overcome all of them with the Word of God.” When I opened up my heart and actually invited God to come in and show me the truth…boy did He! It came flooding in upon me! Over the course of several weeks, I remembered things I had blocked from my memory…some good and some bad...because the truth reveals all. As God poured truth and reality into my soul He did something even more amazing. In even greater measure He poured love and forgiveness into it. As I faced things that were very painful to admit, He was so gentle and kind, there was never any condemnation from Him, only love.

Facing the truth required much of me. For the first time in my life, I had no security other than Jesus Christ. It’s easy to say, “I trust God,” but when your only chance at survival is to listen and obey….saying, “I trust God,” takes on a whole new meaning. I lost all earthly security. I didn’t know where I was going to live, I didn’t know how I was going to earn a living, all of our lives, including my children’s, were turned upside down. God had shown me the truth as I had asked for it, helped me to accept it, and showed me what I must do. He continually whispered to me, “Stay the course.” At times He held my hand, at times He carried me. He was the only hope I had, and I clung to Him.

I began writing as a way of processing my feelings. Those “whispers” from Him that I had only heard infrequently up until then, now came to me every day. Jesus was becoming my everything…and our relationship was becoming, oh so sweet. He revealed to me through His Word so many wonderful promises. He gave me exactly the Word I needed at precisely the right time. The truth He poured into me filtered through my heart and came out of my mind as poetry. The words were healing to me, and strengthened me by reminding me of God’s promises to me. I had to focus on His faithfulness so that I could continue on this journey of trusting Him.

For a while I was writing for me, but as the healing process was happening, God kept saying to me…”Write and speak.” He showed me that it was not just for me anymore. There are many people in the world who are living defeated lives, who need the truth. He put a book in my heart. Did the idea scare me? Oh yes, but of course, He used that opportunity to show me, yet again, that there was no reason to fear. If God calls you to do something, He will enable you to do it. Key point: He is the enabler, we are the vessels.

I didn’t know how it was going to happen, but He kept the dream alive in my heart, and I kept saying, “Yes Lord, thy will be done.” For the past three years I have witnessed amazing miracles God has done on my behalf. I have a peace and joy in my heart every day that I never knew before, and I have a passion….it’s you. If you struggle to accept the amazing love God has for you…if you are in pain….if you are lonely…if you are confused…if you feel unworthy…please pray the truth prayer, and seek God above all else. You will find so much more than you ever thought was possible! Give Him your life, you CAN trust Him. He loves you like no one on this earth ever could… He never, ever fails! Thank you, Jesus!

 

Know Me

 

“You started with a step of faith

to give your life to Me.

You confessed and invited Me inside,

so you could be set free.”

 

“This is your new beginning,

don’t put Me on a shelf.

I don’t live inside a church,

I have filled you with Myself.”

 

“I want you to live with the knowledge,

that I’m a twenty-four, seven God.

There’s nowhere you go all alone,

though unseen I’m no façade.”

 

“Don’t try to live your life

on a diet of once a week.

You need to get to know Me,

you’ll find truth if you seek.”

 

“My power is free and accessible,

ready for you to release its flow.

I have made you so many promises,

but you can’t claim what you don’t know.”

 

“I have poured Myself out into you,

now pour yourself into Me,

so that I am spilling out of every pour

of your life for others to see.”

 

“All of the answers are in My Book,

everything you need to know.

Don’t live your days out blindly,

let Me show you where to go.”

 

“You can’t believe the freedom,

that’s waiting here for you!

The unspeakable joy of knowing,

My presence through and through!”

 

“Let me be the filter,

your life is sifted through.

You’ve never known a love like this,

I am pure and right and true.”

 

“I want to be your best friend,

I’m the lover of your soul.

Don’t live defeated in your strength,

know Me and be made whole.”